The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize