i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize