If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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