His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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