I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My day in three words: secret purse cake
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
