no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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