i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
