Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
