xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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