I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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