I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize