there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
