I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
