So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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