What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize