i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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