We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
