guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
