So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
