My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
