No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
