He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
