Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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