she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
