I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
