final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
