May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
