they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
