I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
