I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we should paint friendship bongs
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
