i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize