Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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