he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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