My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
