we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
