Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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