I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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