I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
