I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
