its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
