i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I understand Curling. That high.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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