did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
