i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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