i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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