There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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