I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
