I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
