i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
