Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
