Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
