You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So many bounce houses so little time
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
