that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
