6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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