Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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