yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
