I should be sponsored by Trojan
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
