I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
