I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
