i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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