There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
