i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize