i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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