Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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