Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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