Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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