no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
