My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
