What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
