Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
