everyone is single if you try hard enough
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize