i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
