I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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