Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize