Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
