im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
