idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
