oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
