There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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